Thursday, 26 September 2013 @ 21:53  0 COMMENTS
Kepala berdenyut. Macam nak pitam.

'Allah. Dah dua hari tak pergi sekolah. I must be strong! Bismillah..'

Setibanya di sekolah. Kaki diatur ke dewan terbuka.



'malas ah nak masuk kelas lagi. tunggu satgi ah lepas baca Yaasin.'

"semua murid diminta ke tapak perhimpunan untuk bacaan Yaasin."

Yaasin dipeluk erat. Niat sedekah untuk arwah..

Selawat 11 kali. Alfatihah sekali.

"Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.. Yaasin.."

***

"are you ok anak cikgu Jo?"

"for sure."

"em takziah.. anything, roger aku tau."

"thanks. insha Allah. gerak dulu. bai."

Hambar. Senyuman dipalsukan. Takde manis langsung. Kelat. Peh teruk.

Tetibe.

Rasa nak nanges. 

Allah. tolonglah. Not this time. Please. Airmata dikesat. Pandangan ditundukkan.
Kaki menuju ke surau perempuan.

Burst into tears.

Pandang cermin.

'Ahh bengkak!'

Muka diraup dengan air mengalir.

'huh lega.'

***


Kelas BI.

section c discussion. about a girl who faced depression in her life for almost 20 years.

"the one who faced depression will burst into tears all of sudden. takde angin takde ribut. tetibe je."

"siape kat sini pernah feel this way before? anyone?"

"Ainur Safuraa pernah?"

"Haha tak pernah lah teacher."

"Anyone else?"

"Nurul Hayaati pernah?"

Diam.

"Nurul Hayaati Johari?!"

Tersedar dari lamunan.

"Oh em kenapa teacher?"

"Do you have any problem?"

"Haha no lah. Ter'mengelamun tadi. Maaf teacher. Tak buat dah. Sorry. Serious!"

Sambil angkat peace.

"I see.. Come and see me if you have a leisure time. Alone!"

"Eh but why?"

"No more question. Just come. Fullstop."

"Oke lah fine.. Insha Allah."

***

Kelas Physics.

Discussing the exercise. Trial Kedah i guess.

"Hayaati. What is the unit for power?"

Diam.

"Hayaati?"

Diam.

Lengan disiku.

"Eh. What? pardon me? em. Maaf.."

"Ish. Ingat unit bagi kuasa ialah. Jooooo! Joule. Ayah awak berkuasa. JO! JOhari. JOule. Ish mengelamun kuat ni."

"Maaf cikgu.."

'malu nye. ehm. ahhhhhhhhhhh focus focus! blergh. this is sooo hard!'

kaki dihayun lekas ke kereta. airmata menemani setiap langkah.

***
Malam yang hening. Sepi. Ahhh masalah berulang kembali.

Sumbat earphone. Pintu bilik dikunci rapat. Ubat ditelan dua sekaligus.

Tetibe. Mata terasa panas sepanas badan yang sedang demam akibat amalan gaya hidup yang tak sihat dan otak yang sentiasa berputar 180 degree.

Airmata mengalir membasahi pipi.

Why nanges? Why tak kuat ni? Why tetibe? Why why why!

'Nak spill kat sape. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh penat! perit!'

I tried to spill my problems to some friends. But they weren't there for me.

And I know. I just have Allah.



Lights off. Dozed off.

Moga masih bisa melihat mentari esoknya.

***

Kaki dihayun lekas ke bilik guru. Pintu ditolak perlahan.

"Haa there you are. Come here!"

"Yes teacher. I am here. Wanna me to help you with something? Anything for you madam!"

Senyum. Palsu. Such a fake. Huh.

"Stop faking your smile. Now. If you want to cry, do it. As you please."

"Hahaha. Ape ni. No. Tak nak nanges. For what reason. Nawh teacher. What was this about ekceli?"

"I saw you crying just before the class yesterday.. Stop lying to your teacher. I know.."

Airmata bergenang. Cepat2 tangan mengesat sebelum ade mata-mata lain yang memerhati.

"Life is sooo hard, teacher.."

"I know. Mind to share with me?"

"Err.. I can't. Sorry. Tapi saya tak pandai nak cerita. Dan saya taknak tanggung peritnya bercerita dekat orang yang tak pernah nak ambil kesah. Haha aduhhh pedihnya!"

"Dear, you can count on me. Haa macamni. If anything you would like to share, I'm here. Always. For you. Believe in Allah. I know you are a strong girl. Don't let this matters effect your study. Please. I beg you. You want straight a's right? So deal with the matters. And struggle so hard for the a's."

"I will. Insha Allah. Teacher, thanks for being so caring. Ahhh terharunya!"

Peluk.



"Ingat, Allah ade. Big pleasure. Dah go back to your class. Keep the problems aside. Ok dear?"

"Ok! Loveyou teacher!"

***

Manusia takkan selalu ade untuk kite bila kite perlukan mereka.

Tapi Allah akan sentiasa ade. Sentiasa.

Hurt with people. Get your happiness back with Allah.

He will help us. Amin!

Senyum. Teruskan langkah walau langkah kaki itu ada kalanya terpijak duri.

Allah kan ade? He will heal us.

Believe. In Allah. YNWA. You Never Walk Alone.

Cause you have Allah.